Total Eclipse

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Under the Hidden Sun

I am you; I am not you.
It is as simple
And as complicated as this.
I, like you,
Can never be
Where or who or what I am not.
I cannot have been
Where I never was.
Only love …
Love knows better than we do
Where I end and you begin,
She is the destination,
The aspiration,
Immanent, within us.
I believe that love
Transcends the borders
Of our identities born and made,
The we who we are,
And who we are not,
And might yet be.
Let us not fall into
The dark hole of
Definitions, demarcations.
We have seen where this goes.
Let us be still, in silence,
So we can find
Clarity about
Our capacity to love,
And the space in which
Love happens,
A power that, if we let it,
Makes us more invincible
The more we give of it,
As we live in love,
Vulnerable, perfect, free.
Let us need one another,
All of us,
The me that I am,
The you that I am not,
The us that we are.

– TS

A Vow to Live

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The tear that hides behind a smile,
The stem, that upward momentum of growth
That hides behind the heavy but pretty face
Lining the pathway in the magical garden__
What else can we not see right away,
What else thrives in the event of our
Distraction as well as our attentiveness?
The lotus gathering her food in the murky depths
So that it can shoot to the heavens, for us all;
The universe of ants and insects building homes,
Feeding each other and filling the very ground
Beneath our feet with the vibrant joy
Of that which, so brightly, lives;
The silent feeding time of butterflies,
The birds nourishing their young;
The hushed conversations on the other side
Of the door, or those thin wooden walls,
Who knows what worries, sadnesses and fears
Haunt the hearts and minds of our neighbours,
What joys and triumphs give them the strength
That seeps into the air we all breathe
As fiery, life-giving electricity?
And what I have done for the world today?
What have I been too scared to show,
Too weak to contain within this fragile structure
I sometimes forget has immeasurable strength,
So that I may observe it, realize its impermanence,
And allow to dissipate into our infinitely
Forgiving universe?
What if I vow not to hide anymore,
But to know what and how I want to be,
And to be nothing but and exactly this,
And to allow all the beauty I can feel
So intently with all of my senses,
To infuse every part of me until
I am THIS and harmony and all the grace?
 
– TS

The Fragile Day of Being

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The stillness of the clouds
On this silver, dewy morning
Betray the truth I try to grasp,
That I won’t always be here,
We won’t always have the chance
To do what has been calling, persistent,
Pulling at our tender,
Yearning unstill hearts.
I fix my eyes on the clouds’ loose edges,
Willing them to change,
to blur into today’s new sky,
Or break away into new formations,
Remembering childhood mornings on the grass
When we’d look up at the tufts of white
And imagine a new, festive cosmos
Of our own making and desires.
This was when
We were going to grow old together,
When there was no thought of not forever.
My body has not turned on me yet,
My mind still arrows in all the directions,
My heart pulses wild with aches and hope.
Life presents itself through and in me
With a vitality I have everything
To be thankful for, and try to honour
With my whole being.
Yet you are not here,
And my understanding will
One day grow dim,
As I continue to dwell in fear
Of everything that will slip away,
Like the fishing boat vanishing downstream,
And the cloud, that, as I look anew,
Might never have existed at all.
 
– TS

Time and Being

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It won’t always feel this way,
Glittered hearts falling from the sky,
Flower petals etched into the concrete
After the rain like butterflies or stardust.
 
It will hurt to walk, to breathe,
The sky’s weight will be unbearable,
So you’ll try to shield every part of you,
And then it’ll all come falling down.
 
The rain has no message,
The leaves and petals are leaving this world
Without a second thought
About who will witness their passing.
 
We are human; we imbue
The colours, textures and sounds around us
With our own histories, until
They sing or grasp or wail,
 
And it is all we can do
To look at what we have made
And soothe our tender heart, and wait
For our ever unfolding in time and being.
 
– TS

Love is Real

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How many times
I’ve tried to find you
using the only
language I know
in hopes bringing
you closer,
 
But my eyes
were travelling
faster and farther
than I could
keep up with;
you knew.
 
I couldn’t find
rest at all.
I didn’t trust
that in stillness,
you would
find your way
 
(to me. That
this is what you
wanted, too)
 
I couldn’t close
my eyes, which
gave me, at least,
enough of the
world to pacify
my fearful heart.
 
But this is
no longer enough.
You are here,
yet not here; my
blindness compounds
the closer you are.
 
My belly knows;
it pulsates,
Feverish.
My heart knows
it has been in
darkness too long.
 
What terrorizes me,
beyond the seen,
will take me to
everything. I know
this now. You
always did.
 
Will you wait
as I close my eyes,
and still my fledgling heart,
and trust that
the whole world
remains, and bigger
 
(and that you will
still be here, and
that love is real)?
– TS

The River

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I know but do not know the river.
I try to search its depths in the fog,
To find myself in its grey expanse
Like I’ve done so many times before,
Like I’ve come here, in the end, to do,
But the day is thick, impenetrable.
The only movement is the current,
Strong, taking the river away from me,
Reminding me it’s never been mine
In the way I thought I so badly needed.
The sea of clouds, above, is shifting too,
Though the rain promises, for now, to stay.
The river knows but does not know me.
I see in its strong eastward current
My own trajectory, which brings us close,
And so here there is understanding.
There is an essence to the pull of our lives.
Yet there’s a dissolution only the river knows,
As I do not yet flow like it does, mutable, strong,
Ready to take form or spread its reach.
But in my efforts to open, the river is there,
If only to witness my eventual unbecoming,
As I witness and welcome the waters within me,
And we continue to know and not know.
– TS

We are the Blessed Ones

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to the gods and goddesses
living inside us,
to the parts of us that are
wounded and unsure,
to the depths of power
we hold within such fragile frames,
to the fear we cling to
to keep ourselves smaller,
to our celestial visions
and our subterranean workings,
to those who scamper to treetops
and those whose feet hold firm to the ground
to the singers, dancers and dreamers of light
and those who dwell in the shadows,
to our mothers and fathers and children
and to the families that we make:
we are the blessed ones,
even when the sky has fallen
and the waves have receded from the shore,
and everything seems to be slipping away,
we are the blessed ones
and we are not forgotten;
may we never forget.
– TS