A Vow to Live

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The tear that hides behind a smile,
The stem, that upward momentum of growth
That hides behind the heavy but pretty face
Lining the pathway in the magical garden__
What else can we not see right away,
What else thrives in the event of our
Distraction as well as our attentiveness?
The lotus gathering her food in the murky depths
So that it can shoot to the heavens, for us all;
The universe of ants and insects building homes,
Feeding each other and filling the very ground
Beneath our feet with the vibrant joy
Of that which, so brightly, lives;
The silent feeding time of butterflies,
The birds nourishing their young;
The hushed conversations on the other side
Of the door, or those thin wooden walls,
Who knows what worries, sadnesses and fears
Haunt the hearts and minds of our neighbours,
What joys and triumphs give them the strength
That seeps into the air we all breathe
As fiery, life-giving electricity?
And what I have done for the world today?
What have I been too scared to show,
Too weak to contain within this fragile structure
I sometimes forget has immeasurable strength,
So that I may observe it, realize its impermanence,
And allow to dissipate into our infinitely
Forgiving universe?
What if I vow not to hide anymore,
But to know what and how I want to be,
And to be nothing but and exactly this,
And to allow all the beauty I can feel
So intently with all of my senses,
To infuse every part of me until
I am THIS and harmony and all the grace?
 
– TS

I in the Universe (There’s No War in World)

Tammy T. Stone

Tammy T. Stone

I in the Universe

(Thailand)

I am a microcosm of the universe.

My palm, tongue (my latest obsession), ear, is a microcosm of me.

Who am I and what is the universe? Trained, I can see illness, health and all the happinesses with a quick scan of a body part, because everything large is contained in everything small, once you start looking.

Look closely, examine the little details for a grand portrait. And the other way around? I know I am contained in the universe, but where can I see it, see me? I can only look within; as of yet, I don’t know how to see my imprint in the stars.

I just have to believe it’s there because I know that I am here.

I feel this. Things move through me that leave me wondrous and sometimes so confused. Lately it’s somewhere in the middle. I am in between things. Maybe a shift is taking place. The things that used to confuse me have either disappeared or else I’ve become adept at living around these confusions. Not because they don’t matter, but for the simple fact that they don’t cling to me anymore, leaving me free to live in a world without their strong presence.

At the same time, some of the great passions are gone too. I’m not sure what I need to create, or to talk to people about. When I used to feel this way, depression was near, like a shadow. Now, there’s more of a feeling of peace.

Still, uneasiness lingers. I believe that to live a long, full life, passion is necessary. Purpose is necessary. Maybe that’s what these travels have been about: looking past my familiar archive of me-ness, and up to the stars.

Up there I can be a part of something other than myself. I can look up and my gaze can be reflected anywhere, and if I don’t think too much, I can find the reflection of that gaze and follow it to where I need to be.

Everyday, I can hear my heart sing a little more. I can listen to music and feel parts of my body vibrating. It makes me want to tell my mind that while I have depended on it so much, I need to let it go. It has convinced me that there is illness where there is health.

It has allowed me to indulge in sadness when joy is the obvious state of things. It tells me again and again what I should not be doing when all there is to do in this world is to be free. I almost understand this.

I almost accept that the rain and the sun come at surprising moments here on the island, in beautiful southern Thailand, and that whichever one comes is perfect. Then, when I look at my tongue or my palm, and see lines and cracks and marks, I can also see the pureness in canvas on which they lie.